Noah's first day of Pre-K 2010

Today Noah had his first day going to preschool at Tonopah Elementary. He had been excited and talking about going to school for MONTHS. We got him some new school clothes, that he even helped pick out. He was excited about going up until we actually got to school. Once we got there, however, he wasn't so sure about it any more.

He had a melt down when his teacher asked him to hang up his backpack, he didn't want to go pick out a book for reading time, didn't want to sit on the mat when the teacher started circle time, and was VERY upset when it was time for me to leave. He was crying, yelling, sitting on the floor and refusing to follow any direction. I felt awful. This preschool is to help him get a jump start for kindergarten. He has been having some defiance issues (among other things) and his evaluation said it would be a good idea to get him some help now so it doesn't affect his schooling in the future. We are trying to do everything we can to help him, but days like today just make me feel like I am not doing enough.

As bad as it sounds, his melt down at school today made me feel like a bad mom, I just don't know what else I CAN do to help him. We are taking him to a play therapist, I have read books about dealing with "spirited" children, I do everything I can to make sure he knows he is loved, and to try and create a stable home for him. With him going to his dad's house every other week there is only so much I can do. I can't control what he does/learns while he is with his dad. I have tried talking to his dad about things until I am blue in the face, and he just tells me what I want to hear, then does whatever he wants to. Poor Noah is just getting hurt in the process. This whole situation is EXTREMELY confusing for him, and as a three year old, he really does not deserve such a hard life. I just keep praying everyday that the situation will change in Noah's best interest, and I keep trying to do whatever I can to make it easier on him. Sadly it is never easy on me. I really try hard not to beat myself up, I know I share part of the blame on how Noah's situation has panned out, and on days like today that blame just seems to eat me up inside.

His teacher told me that after about 30 minutes of crying when I left, he did start to do better. He colored some worksheets (even wrote his name on one!) and read some books. She said he told her he wanted to come back tomorrow, so HOPEFULLY tomorrow is a much better day for him.